Rookies

Boy did I wish we had video of ourselves the other night... cause it was pure comedy! The pictures here aren't related to the story... it just felt weird not having any up on a post, but once you realize what the story is about, I'm sure you'll be glad that there weren't any pics to put up! 

I'm sure it was one of those moments where you just 'had to be there'... but I have no doubt that the majority who read this can totally relate and will hopefully find as much humor in it as we did!

It all started when Allen Jess got us all a wee bit fantic a few afternoons ago. Momma Soch was an Angel and decided to take him to her room for the night so that Jei & I could get some much needed sleep! With his sleep schedule completely turned around like it is, the plan unfortunately backfired and Allen was up literally all night. After a good feeding early that morning, Allen Jess racked out for what we assumed would be just a few hours before he got hungry again and woke up. Since he was down & out, Jei & I obviously took advantage and took a nap ourselves. After a short nap turned into a rather long morning slumber, we woke up to find Allen still sleeping!

I swear it was something out of an animated movie the way we were trying to wake that kid up! I don't think Jei thought it was very funny, but I thought it was hysterical! I literally was doing everything that I knew was safe to try and wake him up. Pinch his chubby little cheeks, smack his bottom, tickle and play with his cute feet, and even grab both his arms and pretend he was dancing... but nothing worked! After trying to cram the bottle nipple into his mouth to feed him, he finally woke up enough to realize he could eat... but that only lasted a few minutes before he was right back to sleep again! We kind of got freaked out about it, so after consulting with his doctor over the phone, we were somewhat comforted that the doctor thought he was just making up for lost sleep during the night before... but he did want us to continue to monitor his eating times & amounts, his poo & pee frequencies, as well as his temperature. And that is where things got... well, rather comical!

So that night after he apparently made up for all of the lost sleep he got, our pretty little boy was wide awake for his evening meal. The feeding went surprisingly well as he took in almost 2 ounces of both breast milk and formula. I should've known we were in trouble though when during mid suck, Allen Jess began making this odd face and tensed his entire little body... and then all of a sudden there was a loud explosion that went off in his diaper! He sure was a trooper though... he just did his (messy) business and then went right back to feeding his face. Much to my surprise (and horror!), the tiny explosions kept coming, so I knew after he finished feeding there was definitely going to be a serious diaper change!  

I laid Allen down on our bed in front of Jei who was already sitting and waiting to take over and handle the dirty deed. The sheets were turned down already but we made sure Allen was laying on a towel for obvious reasons. Jei pulled up his little night-gown thingy he was wearing so that she'd be able to take off his diaper and perform a proper cleaning. It sure wasn't as nasty as it sounded, but it still was quite the mess! I of course lent a hand and held his legs while Jei wiped him down nice & clean. She then reminds me that we had to take his temperature to see if he still was in the norm. Apparently the most accurate temperature reading is taken via the rectum... so needless to say, I wasn't all that thrilled to be sticking a thermometer up my son's butt! So as I stood there holding his legs with one hand, I ever so carefully began to insert the thermometer with the other. 

I don't think I even got half an inch in when what we least expected to happen next... happened, of course! As soon as I stuck that thermometer up his little rear end, he said, "What the Hell are you doing to me!?" ...in the form of a really big toot that was rather on the messy side if you know what I mean! Naturally, Jei and I were startled as our reactions totally proved it... with Jei jolting back and shrieking, and me jumping back like I had almost stepped on a rattlesnake! I was so startled in fact, that I had dropped the thermometer in a girly panic right into the mess Allen had just made on the towel. If you don't know us well enough... let me just say, we were practically crying we were laughing so hard! It took a little while for us to gain our composure, but once we did we thought we'd give it another shot.

Jei had cleaned off the thermometer and told me that she was going to do it this time. Second try... same result! Only this time Allen Jess decided to throw in a little pee into the mix! Once Jei saw the steady trickle of pee beginning to soak his outfit, she quickly pulled out the thermometer (before she could get a reading!) and immediately went into cleanup mode... and trying hard not to pee herself from all the laughter! So after two failed attempts, a pee-soaked outfit, and crap all over the towel... we decided we weren't going to be defeated that easily and went in for a third attempt. Since his outfit was wet, we stripped him naked and were now ready for anything... or so we thought anyway.

Third try... and believe it or not it got worse, but way more funnier! This time Allen spared us the messy poo-farts, but as soon as the thermometer went in... a long steady stream of pee came hurling out over his head like a rainbow! It was actually quite impressive, besides the fact that he was getting himself, the towel, Jei's leg, and the bed completely wet with pee! But little did I know, Allen Jess wasn't the only one who had lost complete control over their bladder! I quickly grabbed his already soiled outfit and covered up his pee-geyser when I noticed Jei was of no help at all. She was actually laughing harder than I was and thought she was about to fall off the bed. Fortunately, she stayed on the bed but then noticed her hand was in her crotch. Once I calmed down a bit, stopped laughing, and began to wipe away the tears... I was finally able to hear what Jei had been trying to say during her dramatic laugh attack while holding her crotch. "I just pee'd myself too!" she said as she continued to laugh. Well that obviously set me off again and there I went laughing hysterically as Allen Jess just calmly laid there with pee all over himself! 

We definitely learned our lesson the fourth time... but by then he probably didn't have anything left to push out on either end that it wouldn't have mattered, but regardless, we were able to finally get his temperature without getting poo'd or pee'd on and without pee'ing ourselves either! One of the funniest parts now looking back on it was when Sochi walked into the room with the biggest smile on her face and said, "If only you two could hear yourselves... welcome to parenthood!" Of course I had a sneaky feeling that she ended that sentence under her breath with, "...Rookies!"